Most children are naturally resilient. Many bounce back from injury, illness, or even tragedy more quickly than adults.
Yet the kind of perseverance required to successfully navigate the many challenges that play out over the course of a lifetime isn’t usually something you’re born with.
It’s developed over time and experience.
Teaching resilience to kids requires patience, determination, and grit. But the payoff to raising kids that never give up can impact families for generations.
There are countless different ways to teach perseverance. In fact, many parents model this trait without even realizing it!
Nevertheless, I’ve put together ten tips for teaching resilience to your kids. Because a child who understands the power of persistence is well on their way to success.
Tips for teaching resilience to kids…
Pray.
As with many things in parenting, teaching your children how to persevere can be challenging. You won’t want to do it alone!
Pray for wisdom and patience through the process. Ask God to give your child a strong spirit and a willingness to endure.
If you’re not sure where to start, here are two verses to use when praying about teaching resilience to your kids.
We also pray that you will be strengthened will all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy.
Colossians 1:11
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
Model perseverance in your own life.
It’s so true that the best lessons are more “caught than taught.” Consequently, children are constantly watching how we live out everyday life. They often imitate their actions after our behavior.
Be intentional to model resilience. When appropriate, let your children witness a particular struggle and how you were able to overcome it.
Discuss the difficulties presented by a certain challenge and emphasize the satisfaction you felt by not giving up. Simply watching you live out perseverance will be a powerful lesson your child won’t soon forget.
Be prepared to let them fail.
Seeing our children fail may be some of the toughest moments in parenting. But those experiences are also powerful tools in the process of teaching resilience to kids.
If we swoop in time and again to fix the latest poor decision or simple mistake, we’re robbing our children of important life lessons. When we remove necessary pain, frustration, or discomfort, we also take away the opportunity for growth.
Instead (when it’s reasonable and their safety is not in question) we need to let them make mistakes. While it may be difficult, we have to step back and let the situation play out.
And when they fail (because they most assuredly will at some point), we must…
Be there to see them through.
While it is necessary for children to learn from their own mistakes, it’s just as important they know your love for them is never dependent on their performance.
When they’re discouraged or sad due to failure, be the first one to come along side and provide encouragement.
Squelch the urge to teach, preach, or lecture during a moment of defeat. There will be time for that later.
Just be there. Let them know you love and support them regardless of the current situation.
Read “The Value of Building Perseverance for Kids“ about our family’s experience in building resilience.
Don’t fix all their problems.
On the other hand, be careful not to confuse supporting them with taking away natural consequences. If their failure caused a problem they can learn from, don’t be too quick to fix it.
Let them work through possible solutions and allow them space to figure it out. Guide and support as needed, but encourage them to own their mistakes.
Know when to step in.
While it’s important for kids to have room to fail and learn from their mistakes, we also have to make sure they aren’t living in a constant state of frustration.
Every circumstance doesn’t have to be an opportunity to teach resilience to your child. Sometimes they just need a big hug and a little help.
This is one reason praying through the process is so important.
Depend on God to give you clarity on when to step in and when to stand back. After all, He is the only one who knows your child better than you!
And speaking of stepping back…
Know when to let go.
Most children have an independent nature or stubborn streak. So, figure out how to use that to your advantage when teaching resilience to your kids.
Encourage a “you can do it” attitude and a problem solver mindset.
Recognize when they’re on the verge of breakthrough. Be sure to get out of the way and let them accomplish victory on their own. This builds their confidence and increases their self-esteem.
Harness the power of yet.
I recently came across an amazing article on the “power of yet.” It talked about the effectiveness of adding one simple world to your child’s vocabulary when teaching perseverance.
For example, when your child says, “I can’t do this.”
Then, you simply respond, “You can’t do this…yet.”
I’ve tried it with my daughters and have been amazed at the results. Almost every time I’ve used this approach, I’ve seen a shift in their attitude and perspective.
Check out One Powerful Word That Will Inspire a Kid Who Says, “I Can’t Do It!” for more on this great tip!
Believe in them and show it.
No matter how many times your child fails, never stop believing they hold the power to overcome. And make sure they know it too.
Be loud in your praise. Be bold in your predictions of future success.
Constantly encourage them with your words and actions. Be proud of any progress they make and point it out at every opportunity.
Remember the long game.
Perseverance isn’t built overnight. A “never give up” attitude isn’t developed after one victory.
Building resilience is a long process.
Stay focused on the end goal. Recognize there will be setbacks. Understand you’re in it for the long haul.
Most importantly, when it gets hard, remember the strong foundation of resilience you’re building will be a vital character trait in your child’s future.
Teaching resilience to your kids will benefit them for the rest of their lives…
A child who understands the power of persistence already has a head start in life. In other words, by helping your children learn to persevere, you’re setting them up for success.
It may start as small as mastering a bicycle or as simple as learning to tie a shoe. But, building your child’s resilience during the early years will better prepare them for more difficult challenges in the future.
Circumstances like illness, loss, and financial hardship are inevitable parts of life. And while we may be able to shield our children from many things during childhood, we can’t walk through their adult challenges for them.
But we can give them tools to meet whatever challenge they face with grit, determination, and courage. We can build resilience in our children so they won’t give up in the face of adversity.
We can raise children confident in their power to overcome. Kids who grow into adults that can walk through hard times and come out stronger.
Adults who are more resilient than we ever imagined they might be all those years ago. Because they had parents who believed in them and taught them how to persevere.
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