One thing you can be sure of when it comes to marriage or parenting—there is always an opinion to be found.
Christian marriage and parenting advice is definitely not in short supply these days—it comes to us at lightning speed, in every imaginable form. Whether it’s through websites, podcasts, you tube videos, social media channels, or a good old-fashioned book, the amount of content out there is staggering.
While much of these self-proclaimed gems can be tossed aside with yesterday’s news, there’s just as much information that is solid and useful.
We all need a little help sometimes…
The truth is, being a spouse and/or parent are high on the list of life’s greatest challenges. Attempting to go it on your own in either of these arenas is definitely not a wise course of action.
Being humble enough to learn from the experience and wisdom of others is not just a smart choice. It’s essential to achieving success.
I’m thankful for the variety of resources I’ve found that consistently provide me with tools to improve my marriage and parenting.
What I’ve discovered through my search for useful information is the best advice is often the simplest and most practical. It doesn’t need to be flashy to draw attention or complicated to seem credible.
It’s good simply because it works.
Some of the most helpful wisdom I ever received on marriage falls right into that category.
The best christian marriage advice I’ve heard yet…
I wish I could remember where I heard it to give credit where credit is due, but that memory escapes me. (I really should write more things down!)
While I also can’t remember the advice word for word, the speaker definitely got his point across because I’ve put his ideas to use for almost a decade of marriage.
His teaching went something like this…Many marriages are built around the concept that each partner is responsible for half of the relationship. If both people do everything possible to make their 50% share of the partnership work, the result should be a successful marriage, functioning at 100%.
It makes sense, right? 50 plus 50 equals 100. And 100 is as good as it gets. But the speaker I was listening to disagreed.
Read “A Love Without Conditions“ for another great piece of Christian marriage advice.
If we believe we’re only personally responsible for half of our marriage, we’ll be constantly trying to figure out when we’ve reached that 50% and when it’s our spouse’s turn to take over.
Instead of a partnership, the marriage will become a competition with each person forever trying to ensure that both sides are pulling their own weight.
A marriage built on that kind of foundation will never result in a strong relationship. It won’t survive the many challenges life will inevitably throw its way.
Each person will always be measuring when they have done enough and when their spouse hasn’t.
We can’t help it—it’s human nature.
But as I’ve found in my own marriage, we can change our mindset.
Giving it your all…
The speaker encouraged taking responsibility for 100% of your marriage, never keeping track or taking score.
Look at your marriage with the idea of always giving 100% of yourself to your spouse and your relationship. 100% of you, 100% of the time.
This approach leaves no room for comparison. There’s no line in the sand that you will not cross. No holding back because you’ve already done your part.
Now I feel I must stop for a moment and make one thing completely clear. I don’t believe this speaker was advocating either spouse should be a doormat. This perspective doesn’t mean anyone should be taken advantage of or abused.
In reality, each partner does have to do his/her part to make a marriage work. Those roles need to be talked through, defined, and agreed upon.
But for me, the lesson here was all about a shift in perspective. If I approach marriage with the idea that I will only go so far and then my job is done, I’m setting myself up for failure.
But if my husband and I BOTH look for the opportunity to give it our all, without regard for what is done in return, our marriage is bound to be stronger.
The best kinds of advice not only change our situation, they change us…
It’s impossible to count the number of times I’ve reflected on this advice and applied it to my marriage.
If I’m going to be completely transparent, I can tend to be selfish. Doing more than my part is not always easy for me.
I’ve caught myself (more than a few times) comparing our roles and feeling tempted to quit when it appeared I’d done more than my fair share. I can honestly say I haven’t always resisted that temptation either!
For the most part though, I try to remember this little trinket of wisdom I received so many years ago. Then, I give just a little bit more.
I’ve seen how that shift in my perspective has helped us avoid unnecessary conflict. It’s de-escalated arguments and drawn my husband and I closer.
It’s wisdom that has worked—not only to make our marriage stronger, but also to shape me into a more selfless person.
I guess that’s why the best kinds of advice are so powerful. They hold the potential to not only improve the situation, but also to make the person better in the process.
Great advice can be priceless. What is the best piece of Christian marriage advice you have ever received? Please share in the comments below!
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