If you’ve been married any length of time, you know the reality of family life can make it challenging for regular date nights to be a priority. But you probably also know how important it is to never stop dating your spouse.
Where it all began…
There’s something special about first dates. They often come with that feeling of nervous anticipation that just can’t be replicated.
The countless outfits discarded until the right one is found, rehearsing in the mirror a dozen different ways to say hello, and the repeated wiping of sweaty palms just in case your hands happen to touch are all unique characteristics of a new relationship.
And if that first date happens to go well, it can be just the beginning of a new story that’s about to be written.
Yet, while dating can be fun and exciting, it can also be very difficult. I have my fair share of dating disaster stories and memories I would just as soon erase.
By the time I met my husband, I was more than ready for a positive experience that didn’t leave me frustrated or disillusioned. Fortunately, he did not disappoint.
our dating story…
Our first official date was dinner at a quaint restaurant in the middle of the city, followed by front row tickets to a trendy concert. I don’t remember how many outfits I tried on or how I greeted him when he picked me up at my door.
I do recall sweaty palms and my effort to squeeze a little closer to him in hopes he might hold my hand. He didn’t. He was the perfect gentlemen and engineered the best first date I’d ever had.
And there our story began.
My husband was suave and sophisticated. He was a smooth talker in all the right ways. Navigating the tricky waters of a new relationship seemed effortless.
He was respectful, kind, and courteous with just enough mystery to keep me intrigued. I was hooked from the first time we met and thankfully, so was he!
We dated for around six months before we became engaged. That time is chalk full of wonderful dating memories. We ate at fancy restaurants, saw the newest movies, and enjoyed a concert or two along the way.
We simply loved being together and took every available opportunity to make that happen.
Dating looked different after marriage…
After getting married, we continued to date regularly. Our finances became more limited, so the dates looked different.
The fancy dinners were exchanged for more affordable chain restaurants. We went to the theater less often and began renting movies to watch at home.
In addition, the expensive concert tickets were long gone, so we found other ways to entertain ourselves. We played cards, took walks, or made drives into the country while we talked and dreamed together.
Then we had kids. A new chapter of our story began.
After becoming parents, we realized it was even more important to never stop dating…
After that, dating became more challenging. Our limited finances made adding the cost of childcare to our night out seem impossible.
Moreover, finding the energy to plan and actually go on a date often proved difficult. However, we recognized the strength of our current relationship was built on the time we had invested getting to know each other in the beginning.
We knew that if we wanted to keep our marriage strong, we couldn’t overlook the importance of dating. If we used any number of our readily available excuses—limited finances, a new baby, lack of sleep, no babysitter—to keep us from cultivating relationship with each other, our marriage would suffer.
So, we made a commitment to date at least once a week.
different seasons of dating…
Almost seven years later, we’ve held true to that promise. In all honesty, our dates are completely simple and ordinary.
Most of them are at home after our kids are in bed. They almost always include a late evening on the couch watching a movie while eating huge bowls of ice cream. And I won’t lie—very often one of us falls asleep.
We definitely have work to do in the area of spicing up our dating life. We both recognize it needs attention and at some point, we’ll change things up a bit.
Regardless, we still look forward to those evenings. Sometimes after a long, hard week just being on that couch together is exactly what we need.
Check out my resource, “Simple and Inexpensive Date Night Ideas for Parents.”
Our dates are a far cry from those early days of our relationship. We remember that season fondly, yet it seems like a lifetime ago.
Even though our date nights look different, they still accomplish the same goal. They keep us connected. They remind us of what we have in each other.
We understand the significance of the promise we made all those years ago to never stop dating. Simply making the commitment to prioritize our marriage above our schedules, our kids, and even our need for sleep, helps us hold true to the vows we made at the very beginning.
Read “A Powerful Marriage Perspective“ for more encouragement on how your life is better because you’re together.
Dating will always be a part of our story…
I no longer feel a tingle when my husband puts his arm around me and I don’t have to worry about sweaty palms when thinking about our date night.
But the peace, comfort, and security I experience as we spend an evening together is irreplaceable.
We don’t date perfectly. We could use some spontaneity and adventure. But we understand the vital role dating plays in our marriage.
A decade of weekly date nights has cultivated a relationship that has remained grounded during times of victory and enabled us to weather seasons of unimaginable struggle.
Our marriage is strong. Our story is still being written. I wouldn’t trade that for any number of amazing first dates.
Dating can become challenging after starting a family. Do you have any tips for keeping date nights alive in your marriage? We would love to hear them! Please share in the comments below.
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