I used to believe I was a fairly humble person. I’ve always recognized I’m far from perfect and can quickly produce a list of my faults.
I regularly battle insecurity and constantly second guess my decisions. While these traits are nothing to brag about, they’d led me to believe that humility was a natural part of my personality.
I’d always assumed I was the kind of person who didn’t need a lesson in humility. In hindsight, that probably should have been my first clue that my self-assessment was a bit off!
But it took becoming a parent to make me realize how far from humble I really was.
It didn’t happen in a moment of revelation right after having my first child. Instead, over the course of many different experiences, I began to discern my heart wasn’t in a good place.
A judgmental mindset…
I saw it clearly the time I found myself in the middle of a Walmart checkout line. The toddler behind me was in full-out meltdown mode.
I remember looking down at my baby sitting happily in the cart and thinking that she would never be allowed to behave that way in public.
The thought had popped uninvited into my mind. Even though it was embarrassing, I couldn’t deny it was there.
I hadn’t even taken the time to smile at that overwhelmed parent, yet somehow felt justified to stand there with a condemning attitude.
Read “Grace for the Weary Mom“ about the power of a simple encouraging word.
Another revealing incident also occurred when my first born was an infant. I watched a mom give her baby a bottle of formula and silently questioned why she wasn’t nursing her child.
Only later did I realize I hadn’t even considered the multitude of reasons that could have led to her decision. Not to mention, that it really wasn’t any of my business anyway!
I chastised myself for judging her without even knowing her story.
Far from a humble heart…
It was moments like those that slowly led me to the understanding that I was far from humble, at least on the topic of parenting.
In fact, I could be downright proud and arrogant.
It was a difficult thing to admit, and even harder to address. The judgmental thoughts seemed to cross my mind without permission.
I realized it was a heart issue–I was prideful of my own parenting abilities.
It was okay and even necessary to believe strongly in my parenting philosophy. My belief system and commitment to it were vital for my children’s success.
But I crossed a line when those beliefs brought judgment instead of encouragement or condemnation instead of support.
Parenting can provide a lesson in humility like little else can…
Little did I know that help would soon be on the way.
After we had our second child, my perspective completely changed. I may have felt sure of myself with one baby, but adding number two threw me for a loop.
A busy toddler and a challenging newborn provided a whole new outlook on parenting. I suddenly felt anything but confident.
My kids were teaching me about humility. Every. Single. Day.
A prideful moment gone bad…
One particular lesson I remember very well occurred in the card aisle of Walmart when my daughters were around two and four.
I’m not great at multi-tasking. Needless to say, trying to find the perfect cards with a wiggly toddler and impatient preschooler was challenging.
My girls were being fairly compliant considering it was lunchtime and I’d only provided them a snack. But I knew from experience this could all unravel quickly if I tarried too much longer.
That being said, my attempts to communicate with them and discipline any unruly behavior were not my first priority.
My focus was on the wall of Hallmark verses in front of me. Unfortunately, the pressure to escape the store before a meltdown made me miss what should have been a training opportunity in patience for my children.
My mission was simply to get the cards and get gone.
As I was trying to accomplish this, a woman approached me and said something along the lines of, “It’s nice to see some children being taught the right way. You wouldn’t believe what I see around here.”
I realized she was one of those people who travels to different stores and stocks greeting cards. Although I hadn’t recognized her presence until she started speaking, she had obviously been listening to my distracted attempts to keep my girls occupied and under control.
I pushed the cart to the end of the aisle, more than slightly pleased with myself. It was definitely not my best parenting moment, yet this stranger had still thought I was worthy of praise.
A lesson in humility from my own children…
And right there, as I was in the middle of giving myself a nice little mental pat on the back, I heard a strange sound.
I looked down and saw my four-year-old with a can of cleaning solution aimed toward her mouth and a shocked look on her face. Then she started spitting on the floor.
Yep, my child had just sprayed bathroom cleaner into her mouth. In the middle of Walmart.
I’m not sure if the Hallmark lady was still around, but I definitely didn’t look back to see if she was watching.
I had placed the can in the back of the cart with my preschooler, never dreaming she would mess with it. After all, she knew better.
I mean, it wasn’t like I put it up front with my toddler. But I’d been distracted–first with the card search and then by my pride.
After a trip to the bathroom to wash our her mouth and a call to the poison control center from the car, everything proved to be just fine.
The nurse on the hotline assured me the chemical was not an overly harmful one and that I was not the world’s worst mom.
But the experience had already left its mark. I was embarrassed and humiliated.
I wish I could say that’s the only time I’ve had to call poison control or left Walmart with my tail between my legs.
Unfortunately, both of those things have happened more than once. (Although never again at the same time!)
Read “How to Recover From an Epic Mom Fail“ for tips on learning from parenting mistakes.
A new perspective changes things…
A few years before, I would have looked at a mom in my situation with thoughts that were far from positive or empathetic. But my point of view had changed.
Life had provided far too many other humbling experiences. And I’m thankful for that.
Those lessons in humility have drawn out compassion instead of judgement. They’ve led me towards empathy and steered me away from condemnation.
They remind me this parenting journey is difficult.
It’s an every day, every moment battle to do the right thing for our children even when the cost is high and the energy is low.
It’s a high calling requiring an unimaginable amount of work, yet it brings priceless rewards.
While we often can’t see those rewards in the heat of the battle, most parents continue to fight on. They’re simply doing the best they can to raise strong and capable children in a world that grows more challenging by the day.
The opportunities to help and encourage other parents are endless. But an attitude of pride in our own parenting abilities or judgement toward others will never be beneficial.
And in case I ever forget that, a trip to Walmart or a Hallmark card quickly brings it all back.
Have you been on the receiving end of much-needed encouragement from another mom? Or maybe you’ve provided that inspiration to a fellow parent. I’d love to hear your story! Please share in the comments below.
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