In hindsight, we were completely clueless.
Standing in the middle of that church in a beautiful white gown and sharp-looking black tux. Oblivious to the rest of the world.
Eyes only for each other and the life that waited for us. Yet we had no idea what that life would actually look like.
Not the faintest notion that it would be a far cry from the carefully laid plans and dreams we had carved out together.
Blissfully unaware of what it actually took to build and maintain a strong marriage.
And if we’re honest, mostly unprepared for the challenges that lay ahead.
Setting the stage…
But I guess most marriages begin like that.
Starry-eyed and lovestruck.
And they should. That experience is a wonderful part of the journey.
But most couples don’t stay that way. The newness fades away. The honeymoon ends. And life is guaranteed to throw more than a few challenges into any relationship.
That’s why a solid foundation from the very beginning is so essential.
I believe pre-marital counseling is a wonderful thing. There are multiple points I still remember from our counseling sessions. And many tips that I still use today-more than a decade later!
I’m also a big fan of finding older and wiser mentors to come alongside a new couple. Having someone to lean on who’s “been there and done that” is a priceless blessing.
Yet, while those things are important, there’s some stuff you just can’t prepare for. All the advice and counseling in the world can never truly get you ready for life as it actually happens.
There’s a reason wisdom comes with experience.
Strong marriages are built over seasons of ups and downs. And some of those seasons are ones you could never imagine back in the very beginning.
ONce upon a time…
Our dating story was the thing of fairy tales. It was beautiful and romantic. We had this intense and deep connection that we quickly knew was the forever kind of love.
It wasn’t perfect. But it was about as close to a movie-worthy script as anything I’d ever experienced.
So, that’s how we entered into marriage.
And for a good while, that’s how we stayed. Already approaching thirty when we met proved to be an advantage as newlyweds.
Many issues that might have turned into big problems when we were younger, we could now look at with a little more wisdom and perspective.
Our marriage still had its fair share of bumps in the road. But for the most part, life rolled along at a predictable, steady, and fairly easy pace.
And then everything changed.
Life gets hard…
It didn’t happen all at once. There was no tragic accident or unexpected illness to send our life into a tailspin.
But ever so slowly, one challenge after another came our way. Then they started to snowball and pick up speed. Before we knew it, a mountain of difficulty loomed in front of us.
And just when things would start looking up, another problem would show its face. It seemed like a never-ending season of struggle.
There was a pro-longed and extremely stressful job situation for my husband.
A seemingly endless stretch of significant financial strain.
Four moves in three years.
A cancer battle for my father-in-law. One he didn’t win.
Then the loss of my grandmother soon after.
Infertility. Two miscarriages.
Multiple serious health issues for my husband that lasted for years.
All topped off by a global pandemic. And those are only the highlights.
Learn a tip to help you love well through hard times in “A Powerful Marriage Perspective.”
Tested and tried…
We were, without a doubt, walking through fire. A fire we hadn’t planned on and didn’t see coming.
But here’s the thing about hard times…you can never fully know how you’ll handle them until they’re happening.
And we definitely could have handled many of those things better. We could have trusted more and complained less.
Worshipped more and worried less. Been proactive instead of reactive.
But for all the things we didn’t get right, there’s a whole lot we’re proud of too.
We started two businesses. Did our best to continue raising our girls with purpose and intention.
We chose to believe God still had good plans for us.
And we never gave up.
But perhaps most important of all, we stayed together.
Now don’t get me wrong. We had some very intense moments. Heavy discussions. Difficult arguments.
So many days that we felt worlds apart. Countless times when hope seemed out of reach. Seasons that made that fairy-tale love story seem like nothing but a distant memory.
Yet on the other side of all those struggles and all that heartache, we have a marriage that’s stronger than ever.
One that’s walked through the fire and came out refined. A relationship that has weathered more than we ever could have planned for. And is even more beautiful because of it.
Because through it all, we chose each other.
Even when it was hard. Even when we didn’t feel like it. And even when we wanted to give up.
Hear one of my favorite pieces of marriage advice in “A Love Without Conditions.”
A strong marriage that lasts…
I wonder how many people really understand the meaning of their wedding vows when they say them. I know we sure didn’t.
But time and experience has taught us the reality of “for better or for worse.” We’ve learned how to weather in “sickness and in health.” We know what it means to “love and to cherish” through even the worst of moments.
While we never would have asked for them, each challenge has made us stronger. Every difficulty has forced us to lean on each other.
And though the struggles were unwelcome, the bond that came from walking through them together is irreplaceable.
It’s true. We never could have imagined what lay in front of us all those years ago standing in front of that alter.
But we also never could have dreamed how the depth and strength of our love now would far outweigh anything we felt back then.
All marriages face difficulty. Every couple goes through their own unique set of challenges.
But every strong marriage has at least one thing in common. Two people who face those struggles together.
Regardless of the cost. And no matter how tough things get. They refuse to let hard times push them apart.
That kind of marriage is built to last. A relationship that won’t be rocked by the storms of life.
Granted, it’s one that might not be lovestruck and starry-eyed anymore.
But that’s okay.
Because the forever kind of love is far more precious than that.
Do you have any tips for keeping a strong marriage in hard times? Please share in the comments below!
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