My husband and I have a great marriage.
Notice here, I did not say we have a perfect marriage. Far from it actually.
We disagree over finances, disciplining our kids, and who gets the last word. I could list countless things we do really well together and just as many that need work.
As in any strong marriage, we strive to see the best in each other, are always working on our own character flaws, and we never give up.
Beyond that, there is one thing that helps us appreciate our relationship and always defines our marriage perspective—we vividly remember what it was like to be alone.
A lonely season…
My husband and I didn’t meet until we were in our late twenties.
Now, I know that’s still young, but in the area of the country we lived, most people we knew were already married and starting families.
I remember watching roommates, friends, and family members head down the aisle toward wedded bliss. They told countless stories of meeting “the one” and the excitement that followed as they headed off into life together.
I was happy for them, I really was—except when I wasn’t.
Just like it’s yesterday, I remember that unsettling awareness of being surrounded by people, yet feeling completely alone.
I had many friends and a fairly active social calendar, but it came down to the fact that what I really wanted was to find a partner for life.
Don’t get me wrong—I did everything in my power to make it happen!
I prayed endlessly for the person I would marry and made every effort to find him. I entered each new relationship hoping it might be forever and left each time disappointed and brokenhearted.
It’s difficult to describe those years or to put my emotions into words. What I do remember is a loneliness so deep my heart literally ached.
a love story Begins..
And then my husband came along.
The story of how we met and the beginning of our relationship is for another time, but I will say that it was magical. He was like nothing I’d experienced before—I truly felt I’d walked right into a fairy tale.
He swept me off my feet and the rest, as they say, is history.
We had this amazing connection and both knew, in a very short amount of time, we had found what we had so desperately been searching for. (Read more on our dating story here.)
I have story after story of that season together and we have a cache full of wonderful memories.
Read “A Love Without Conditions“ for another encouraging marriage perspective.
But of course, fairy tales are just that—make believe.
Reality slowly found its way into our relationship and we don’t walk on the clouds of new love anymore. We look back on those days with fondness and a bit of nostalgia.
And while the love we have now is different, it’s also better in many ways. It’s stronger, more mature, and more prepared to handle a lifetime together.
It’s walked through struggles, mourned loss, challenged defeat, and celebrated victory. It is time and trial tested.
It has endured.
A marriage perspective to remember…
So, when the difficulties of life and the challenges of relationship try to squeeze their way into our marriage, there are two things that keep us grounded.
We remember how it felt to be alone. And we are reminded of the amazing way God answered our prayers in each other.
At the end of the day, no matter how many times we’ve disagreed or what seemingly insurmountable obstacle is in front of us, that perspective points us to what really matters.
We have each other and a relationship built on a rock-solid faith in the God who brought us together—that’s enough to see us through anything.
Do you have a marriage perspective tip that has stood the test of time? I’d love to hear it! Please share in the comments below.
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