What does a Christian do with unfulfilled dreams?
What does faith look like when God is silent?
How do you overcome hope deferred?
We’ve probably all asked at least one of these questions at some point.
I sure have.
I know what it’s like to struggle with shattered dreams, disappointing answers to prayer, and seasons of waiting. I’ve experienced them all.
I know first-hand how difficult it can be to walk through those circumstances with your faith intact.
But I also know it’s possible.
If you find yourself struggling to find good in your current situation…don’t give up. Take it from someone who’s been there. There’s light at the end of your tunnel.
Been there. Done that…
We all have a different story and different struggles. But we all most likely have one thing in common-we’ve walked through our fair share of difficult seasons.
And like many of you, I’m no stranger to hard times. Here’s just a few examples…
I’ve struggled with loneliness when it seemed like I’d never find a husband. (Read that story here.) I’ve fought disappointment as God seemed to say no to some of my biggest dreams. (Find that here.) I’ve battled fear in the face of the unknown. (Read that here.)
I’ve struggled with grief through seasons of infertility and miscarriage. (Find that story here.) I’ve experienced ridiculously difficult seasons of motherhood. (Read that here.)
And I’ve almost lost all hope as life seemed to spin out of control. (That story is here.)
All that being said, I have some experience on how to overcome hope deferred. And while I can’t say I’d like to go back and relive any of those moments, I am thankful that what I’ve learned might just be able to help someone else whose life isn’t going quite like they expected.
So, if you could use a little light in the middle of your current darkness, take heart. These 15 tips may be just what you need to find hope again.
How to overcome hope deferred…
Stay in the Word.
Getting out your Bible may be the last thing you feel like doing when you’re short on hope. But it’s actually the best place you could possibly spend your time.
I can’t even begin to count how often I’ve forced myself to read Scripture when I didn’t feel like it and I immediately felt better. The Bible truly is living and active. Simply reading a few verses can change your attitude and completely shift your perspective.
Don’t let your Bible sit collecting dust when your world is falling apart. It should be your primary weapon against hard times.
Be honest with God.
God already knows what you’re feeling. So why try to hide your true emotions. Or pretend like you’re not angry, frustrated, discouraged, or disappointed?
Have you read the Psalms? The writers vent their feelings on a pretty regular basis. And it’s not always pretty.
Talk with God about everything-the good, the bad, and especially the ugly. He cares. He will listen. And it will do you so much more good than venting to anyone else.
Stay grateful.
Gratitude is powerful. And it’s one of your best tools when thinking about how to overcome discouragement.
Satan will do everything he can to make you focus on your problems and forget your blessings. It’s up to you to keep that from happening. Reflect daily on what you have to be thankful for. I can’t stress this enough-you have to be intentional about staying thankful.
This is something I’ve been working on myself lately. It’s been a particularly challenging last few months for our family. And time and again God has put on my heart the importance of focusing on the good things in my life.
So, I start every prayer with at least one thing I’m grateful for. And when I feel my attitude start to go south, I choose to think about some of my many blessings.
I’ve seen it make a visible different in my countenance and I know it’s improved my ability to handle stress.
Do as much good as you can.
Another powerful way to keep hope alive through difficult seasons is to take every opportunity you can to do good.
This doesn’t mean stress yourself out adding a bunch of things to your plate. But it does mean focusing on others as much as possible
This is another habit I’m practicing lately. I see it as an opportunity to get back at the devil for some of the challenges he’s thrown my way! He wants me to get so focused on my own struggles that I forget about everybody else’s. I have to refuse to let that happen.
So, I’ve made meals for a family in need, joined a carpool for a mom who just had surgery, and helped out with the kids of another friend battling cancer.
All those things remind me that I’m not the only one with problems. And even in the midst of my own challenges, I can still make a positive difference in the life of someone else.
Go to church.
Here’s the thing. You might not always feel like going. But church is one of the best places you can be if you’re trying to figure out how to overcome hope deferred.
There’s just something special about fellowshipping with other believers and hearing the Word preached in person. It can’t be replaced with a live stream, a podcast, or a YouTube video. Especially if you’re in the middle of a difficult season.
Don’t alienate those closest to you.
It’s easy to push others away when you’re struggling. Especially those closest to you. But God put them in your life for a reason.
They know you best. And they’re the most qualified to minister to your heart. Whether it’s over coffee, a kid’s play date, or just a simple text.
Be willing to be vulnerable. And don’t forget to ask how the other person is doing. Chances are, they just might need a listening ear too. Hopefully you’ll both leave the conversation feeling better.
Hang out with positive people.
Nothing will suck the life out of you faster than negativity. And it’s the last thing you need when you’re trying to figure out how to overcome hope deferred.
Be diligent about your present company. If you recognize you’re consistently hanging out with someone who always seems to see the glass half empty, maybe it’s time to let that relationship go.
Watch what you take in.
Along those same lines, be aware of what you’re watching and listening to. Social media, television, the news…everything is vying for our attention. And many of those things will drain your hope, not fill you up.
As hard as it might be, set limits for yourself. For example, I enjoy starting my day with the morning news. But that doesn’t mean it’s good for me. So, I choose to watch once a week. This keeps me fairly up to date with what’s going on in the world, but also keeps it from consuming my mind.
I also try to balance the worldly content I take in with godly information. I love a good television drama or police show. But I know spending all my free time binging my favorite episodes isn’t good for my soul. So, I watch a few. But I also listen to podcast sermons and Christian music.
I’m far from perfect. But I do my best to keep it all in balance. (Need a positive place to start? Check out this post for my personal story on learning how to overcome hope deferred.)
Ask for help.
One mistake I often make is refusing to accept help. I’ve made all kinds of excuses-I can handle it, I shouldn’t be struggling with this, I don’t want to burden someone else…the list goes on.
But the real issue is pride. I have a hard time letting other people see me fail. Instead, I miss out on the genuine care and comfort they could have provided. Not only that, but I rob them of the opportunity to be blessed by extending a helping hand.
Don’t make the same mistake. Let others in. Ask for and accept help when you need it.
Do little things that make you happy.
Sometimes it really is the little things that make the biggest difference. Your favorite kind of chocolate. A cup of coffee or hot tea. A long walk or a drive with the windows down. A twenty-minute nap or thirty minutes in a good book.
And chocolate…did I mention chocolate?!
I’m not saying you should overindulge in an effort to make yourself feel better. Or pretend that a pint of ice cream will take away all your troubles. We all know that’s not the case.
But, treat yourself occasionally. It’s guaranteed to lift your spirits.
Get outside.
There’s something about fresh air that’s just good for your soul. Getting outside is one of the first things I do when I feel overwhelmed, stressed, or sad.
Sometimes it’s just a quick walk around the block with all the kids in tow because that’s the best I can do. Or a few minutes on the back deck because it’s way too late for anything else.
When I’m lucky it might be a leisurely stroll at a local park all by myself.
Regardless, time spent outside never fails to clear my mind and reset my perspective.
Sleep.
It’s amazing the effects lack of sleep will take on your physical, mental, and emotional state. I averaged two to three hours of sleep every night for months with our second baby. To say I barely held it together during that time is an understatement.
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your family during an especially challenging season is to make sure everyone gets plenty of rest. That’s easier said than done. I get it.
I’m notorious for staying up just a little bit longer to see if I can accomplish a few more things. But in the end, it’s never worth it. When that alarm clock rings the next morning, I always wish I would have turned in earlier.
Prioritize sleep. For everybody in your house. It’s important.
Recognize your current circumstance is not your forever reality.
Whatever challenge you’re facing right now won’t last forever. Believe me, I know it doesn’t always feel that way.
Our family has faced a seemingly never-ending season of difficulties over the past several years. I’ve asked the Lord so many times when our victories will start to outnumber our trials.
It hasn’t happened yet.
But I have a choice to make. I can allow myself to become bitter. And convince myself that things are never going to change. I can give up on our dreams.
Or I can trust in God’s providence. I can wait for His timing. I can believe that His plans for our family will surpass even our biggest dreams.
That perspective doesn’t come easy. It’s a daily battle and a choice to reset your mind each time it strays off course.
But if you want to learn how to overcome hope deferred, it’s absolutely necessary.
Remember God’s faithfulness.
The only way you can accomplish what you just read above is by remembering how God has been faithful in the past. What prayers has He answered? How has He orchestrated events in ways that only He can?
The enemy of your soul likes to make us forget those parts of our story. It’s one of his key strategies because he knows doing so will steal our hope.
And it can be easy to let that happen. Especially when you’re surrounded by trouble and God’s faithfulness seems to be just a distant memory.
But the truth is God has come through for you before. Most likely many times. Focusing on that renews your hope that it’s only a matter of time before He does it again.
Don’t forget about the bigger picture.
In the end, we have to remember that life isn’t all about us. It’s about Him. His plan. His glory.
Now don’t get me wrong-He loves us and promises to work things out for our good. But that doesn’t mean the journey will be easy. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Because it’s often our hardest struggles and deepest pain that God uses in the greatest ways.
Those are the parts of our story that speak the loudest to others who are hurting. They know we understand because we’ve been there. Our words of comfort and encouragement mean more because we speak from a place of experience.
God can use your greatest trials for His biggest victories. Remembering that when you’re in the middle of one is the tricky part. But, if you can, you’ve tapped into something incredibly powerful.
A beautiful tapestry…
I can promise you one thing-I don’t have all the answers.
I don’t know why He’s allowed your dreams to fall apart. Or why He’s been silent when you’ve desperately needed to hear His voice.
But there is one thing I know for sure.
He cares about it all.
Every broken dream. Every silent tear.
And He has a plan to weave it all together for your good and His glory.
I don’t know how and I don’t know when. But I do know that God can take your shattered dreams and make something beautiful. I’ve watched him do it in my own life countless times.
So, hold onto hope friend. Victory is coming.
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