Anyone married more than five minutes knows that money issues in marriage can quickly become a big deal. In fact, money is the number one thing couples fight about and the second leading cause of divorce (Ramsey Solutions).
And while money always has a tendency to be a hot button issue, difficult financial seasons can really turn up the heat. Nothing puts stress on a marriage quite like money problems.
But that doesn’t mean every marriage that faces financial challenges has to become a negative statistic. In fact, dealing with financial adversity can actually strengthen your relationship.
If you know how to handle it the right way.
Successfully managing money issues in marriage is not easy. It takes hard work, extreme focus, and a whole lot of patience.
From both sides. (Read more about how to solve marriage money problem here.)
But it’s not impossible. And the rewards of coming out on top after a difficult financial battle are more than worth it.
A Long season…
I’m by no means a financial expert. I don’t know much about accounting or the stock market. And completing our monthly budget always seems to take way longer than it should.
But my husband and I know a few things about stress and money. We’ve walked through difficult seasons full of seemingly never-ending financial problems.
And we’ve learned from experience…there are right and wrong ways to deal with money issues in marriage.
No one’s perfect. Every couple makes mistakes and has regrets. But the right perspective, a little grit, and an abundance of teamwork goes a long way.
And getting through a difficult financial season together will strengthen your marriage in ways few other things can.
How to deal with money issues in marriage…
So, let’s get practical. How do you handle money issues in marriage the right way? What steps can you take to make sure difficult financial seasons don’t destroy your relationship?
Here’s what we’ve learned after over a decade of marriage and a good deal of financial challenges…
Pray together over your finances.
The single most important thing you can do for your marriage is pray. Whether it’s money problems, parenting difficulties, or relationship issues, prayer should always be your first line of defense.
And praying specifically for your finances is always a good idea. If you can pray together-even better.
During one particularly difficult financial season, my husband and I found ourselves coming into every budget planning session already frustrated with each other.
Before we even sat down to look at the numbers, we knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. And our attitudes reflected our inner turmoil.
So, we made the decision to pray together before starting our budget. It was always a short and quick prayer.
But simply tuning our hearts into the Lord and off of ourselves helped us keep our attitudes in check.
Keep giving.
Generosity can be difficult when money problems loom large. But it’s even more important during times of financial stress.
Giving keeps you from developing a hard heart. It takes the focus off yourself and your own problems.
It’s a reminder that many others are struggling far more than you. And that you have a whole lot of reasons to be grateful.
On top of all that…God promises to reward generosity.
Malachi 3:10 says, “Bring all your tithes into the storehouses so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!”
We take our 10% tithe out of our monthly budget before anything else. We consider it money already spent.
Even if we don’t have enough left over to pay our bills. The tithe is non-negotiable.
Some people might think we’re crazy. But we’ve seen the Lord prove himself faithful time and again.
When the figures we put down on paper weren’t enough, money came from unexpected sources. When our bank account balance was low, bills showed up less than expected.
And when we never had money to go out for dinner, but desperately wanted a night out…a gift card showed up.
But God has NEVER, not one single time, failed to come through for us.
At one point in our marriage, my husband and I both felt the need to be more generous. It didn’t seems reasonable under our current circumstances. Money problems were abundant and there simply wasn’t anything extra to give.
But we’d learned from experience that when God calls us to do something, it’s best to take action. So, we committed to setting aside a small amount each month (above our tithe) to give away.
It hasn’t always been easy. But giving those gifts has blessed our family in more ways than we can count.
(Check out these Scriptures for what God says about generosity.)
Follow a plan.
While God can and will work miracles in your finances if you’re obedient and generous, I fully believe He doesn’t expect you to just sit back and do nothing.
You need a plan.
One that you and your husband can agree on and commit to.
Shortly after we got married, my husband and I took Dave Ramsey’s class, Financial Peace University. It’s one of the best financial investments we’ve ever made. We were able to formulate a plan that we’ve used to guide our finances ever since.
In full disclosure, we haven’t reached our end goals yet. And there’ve been many unwelcome bumps and unexpected surprises along the way.
But the peace and focus that comes from following a plan is unmatched.
Stick to your budget.
Having a long-term financial plan is vital. But, having a monthly budget is just as important. It’s much more difficult to reach your big goals is you’re little ones aren’t in order.
There are numerous budgeting tools available. Paid and free.
We use good, old-fashioned pen and paper. Along with the forms we received from Financial Peace University. But budgeting electronically is great too!
Figure out what works best for your family. And recognize the budgeting process requires a lot of practice before you find your sweet spot.
Be patient with each other. Be willing to compromise.
And most importantly, stick to that budget once it’s set.
That’s almost never easy!
But, it’s the only way to see short-term goals turn into long-term success.
Be on the same team.
Different opinions on money can quickly leave you and your spouse feelings miles apart.
But remember, you’re on the same team. You both want the same thing-financial freedom and independence.
And while you may have different ideas on how to get there, you each have strengths to bring to the process. Use those strengths to improve your financial outlook.
Which one of you is best with numbers? That person can calculate expenses and income. Which one is the most organized? That person can pay the bills and keep track of receipts.
Figure out how to work together for your end goal. And refuse to let money stress create a wedge in your marriage.
Commit to talking through the hard stuff. Don’t be easily offended. Forgive quickly. And stay determined to see the good in each other even when emotions run hot or tempers flare.
Have difficult discussions about money issues in marriage away from your kids.
When conversations get heated, it’s easy to forget that little ears are listening. But your kids don’t need the weight of your family’s financial problems on their shoulders.
It can cause unneeded stress, anxiety, and worry in the hearts of your children.
So, make every effort to have those hard talks when they’re not around.
Seek counsel if necessary.
Asking for help from an outside source when you just can’t find a solution isn’t a sign of weakness. Quite the opposite-it shows wisdom and strength.
Money issues in marriage are no exception. Seeking counsel is far better than letting your marriage problems spiral out of control.
If you can’t seem to dig your way out of your current situation, find someone who can help. A Christian financial counselor would be a great place to start. Ask your local church for a referral or list of trusted resources.
Find ways to have fun.
When finances are tight, date nights become challenging. Even going out to a simple dinner and movie is expensive nowadays! Throw in a baby-sitter and paying for that night out seems impossible!
Trust me…I know. We’ve been in that boat for years.
But there’s ways around that problem too. Find free or inexpensive venues to visit. Trade off babysitting with another trusted couple so neither of you have to pay a sitter. Or just plan an at-home date after the kids are in bed.
Whatever you do, don’t let money issues in marriage keep you from dating each other!
(Check out this post for more ideas on inexpensive date night ideas.)
And keep having fun as a family too. Get outside to visit local parks or bike trails when the weather cooperates. On cold or rainy days, borrow movies from the library or play board games.
(Check out these ideas for a list of activities to do with your kids.)
If you live close to a big city, there’s probably countless free things to do. You just might need to put in a little time and research to find them!
I’ve learned from experience…don’t let your cash shortage keep you from making family memories.
Hopefully your season of financial drought is short-but it might not be. And you definitely don’t want to look back and regret all the fun you didn’t have because you were just waiting to have more money to spend.
Stay positive.
Keeping a good attitude during seasons of financial struggle is challenging. But it might be one of the most important things you can do for your marriage.
Remember the source of your provision (Matthew 6:26-33). God promises to take care of you. Remind each other of that whenever you can.
Look back on His faithfulness in the past. And believe in His promises for your future. Refuse to let a difficult financial season steal your peace and joy.
Dream big.
Hope is one of the most powerful forces of human nature. Don’t let money issues in marriage keep you from dreaming big!
My husband and I have several big goals that have seemed impossible due to current financial situations. But we haven’t let that stop us from dreaming!
With God’s help even the biggest dreams are never out of reach…regardless of how much money you have in the bank.
(Read more about why dreaming big is important for your marriage here.)
Let money issues in marriage strengthen your relationship…
While money is known to cause problems in many marriages, that doesn’t have to be the case in your relationship. In fact, seasons of financial difficulty can actually draw you closer…if you handle them the right way.
So, dig in your heels and get to work. Try out the tips above in your own marriage.
Be determined to beat the odds…and make money issues in marriage turn into a success story instead of a statistic.
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