I believe it’s absolutely true that opposites attract. At least that’s the case in my own marriage.
And though it’s exciting when you first meet and intriguing as you date, it can quickly become challenging after saying, “I do.”
While embracing personality differences in marriage might take some work, it can make your relationship stronger and transform you into a powerful team.
Two opposite ends of the spectrum…
My husband and I have a lot in common. We’re both perfectionists. We love Jesus, Starbucks, and action movies. We share many of the same big dreams and moral views.
But as with most any other couple, we have just as many differences. Our taste in food, clothes, and house decor varies widely.
We have very different preferences on how we choose to spend our free time. And we’ve had many long talks over parenting styles!
Yet one of our most obvious differences is at the core of our personalities. My husband is aggressive by nature. He’s confident and isn’t afraid to be outspoken when needed.
He doesn’t enjoy or look for confrontation, but he won’t back down if it’s necessary.
On the other hand, I’m extremely passive. I rarely speak my mind if I think it might cause a stir. And I run from confrontation at all costs.
He’s a natural born leader. I’m a peacemaker.
There are obvious advantages and disadvantages to each of our personality types. And while it’s caused my husband and I to disagree more than once, our differences have also made us a better team and stronger couple.
Read “A Love Without Conditions“ for more encouragement on loving your husband unconditionally.
A perfect example…
I’ll never forget the first time I saw these differences play out and realized how they could benefit our marriage.
Shortly after our honeymoon, we found ourselves in a large furniture store. We’d decided to spend some of the money we received at our wedding on a frame for our bed.
As a bachelor, my husband owned these amazingly comfortable king-sized mattresses. But they’d been sitting on the floor of our master bedroom since their purchase.
We finally decided it was time to sleep a little higher off the ground!
We already had a dresser and nightstand to go along with the mattresses, so a bed frame would make the set complete.
As we browsed through the many options, we settled on a favorite. It was massive and beautiful, plus a perfect match to the rest of our furniture.
It was also expensive.
Fortunately, we had brought cash and I was about to find out my husband was a great negotiator. But as he bargained with the salesman, I felt a surprising surge of anxiety.
His tactics were spot on and his tone respectful. But his assertiveness triggered a desire in my non-confrontational self to run.
So, as he negotiated for our new bed, I wandered to a different section of the department. A short while later he found me, receipt in hand and a smile on his face.
We had our new bed frame.
And I had realized something about the personality differences in our marriage.
His strength compensated for my weakness…
I had been unnecessarily intimidated by the whole situation. Bartering for a high-priced item in this industry (especially when we were bringing cash to the table) was completely acceptable and even expected.
Yet it had left me feeling uncomfortable and overwhelmed. If I’d been shopping by myself that day, we would’ve left without a new piece of furniture or I would have paid way too much to get what we wanted.
But my husband brought one of his strengths to the table and we went home with a great deal.
He later asked if his conversation with the salesman had embarrassed me. I sheepishly admitted yes and apologized for walking away.
And then I thanked him for my new bed.
When opposites attract…
The funny thing is, those qualities that embarrassed me in the middle of the furniture store were the same ones that attracted me to him in the first place!
My husband carries himself with a certain kind of confidence. It’s somehow apparent even when he doesn’t say a word.
And I’ve found that attractive since the first moment I laid eyes on him.
I love knowing he always has my back. That he won’t shy away when defending my honor or back down when standing for his beliefs.
I admire his ability to navigate successfully through confrontation and his confidence as a leader.
These traits are some of my favorite things about my husband.
Yet they’re so very different from my own qualities. Quite often they make me uncomfortable. And if I’m completely honest, they frustrate me more than they should.
On the flip side, I’m pretty sure he feels the same way when my eagerness to back down goes against the grain of his natural tendencies.
We’ve discovered when opposites attract, sparks really do fly. The good kind and those that cause problems!
Check out my resource, “How to Love Your Husband Unconditionally“ for practical ideas on loving your husband well.
Letting personality differences in marriage strengthen the relationship…
The furniture store purchase was the perfect example of how personality differences in marriage benefited our situation. Through over a decade together, we’ve had countless other experiences that tell the same story.
Sometimes it’s his aggressive nature that brings us through a tough situation. Other times it’s my passive personality that provides a solution.
Ultimately, we’ve learned that our differences can make us stronger. But only if we let them.
We each have to choose to see those differences in a positive light. We have to recognize the very qualities that can irritate each other also have the potential to make us a formidable team.
On his own, my husband might come off as intimidating. By myself, I could easily become a doormat.
But together, we’re a powerful partnership that can walk through any situation with confidence AND grace.
Getting in line with God’s plan…
God wired us differently for a reason. There is purpose in his design.
For our individual destiny and his plans for us as a couple.
He knows that two people who are exactly the same bring nothing extra to the table. But a couple with very different strengths and abilities hold potential beyond their wildest dreams.
It’s up to us to see and take advantage of what he had planned all along.
We truly are stronger together.
It’s definitely true that opposites attract! What personality differences in your marriage can make you a better team? Please share in the comments below!
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