I’ve always had mixed feelings about the new year. On one hand, the goal-setting part of me loves the chance for a fresh start each January.
On the flip side, I often struggle to say goodbye to all the memories and milestones of the previous 12 months. And I swallow hard at the vivid reminder of how fast time is passing.
This year I’m not wavering back and forth between those two extremes. 2019 was difficult for our family.
We’re ready to leave the past several months behind and we earnestly look forward with hope for the new year.
A difficult road…
The last year began with my husband switching jobs. The change was much needed and an answer to prayer. Yet it still came with its fair share of obstacles.
At the same time, he was was dealing with a handful of significant health concerns. They were serious enough to impact his quality of life and make it difficult for him to function on a daily basis.
He was physically exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed. He handled the situation with an amazing amount of strength and perseverance.
Yet it took a toll on his state of mind, our marriage, and our family life.
In the midst of my husband’s career changes and health concerns, we also moved at the end of 2018. We had planned on purchasing a home in our new location, but when the housing market didn’t cooperate, we ended up unexpectedly renting a tight space.
And while making all the necessary adjustments that relocating requires, we found ourselves under significant financial stress.
Even though my husband and I are both planners, goal setters, and problem solvers we struggled to find a solution to our sudden income-related issues.
Waves of grief…
Yet without a doubt the most significant challenges of the year presented themselves in the form of loss. My father-in-law was diagnosed with stomach cancer in 2018.
This was the first time cancer had hit so close to home. We quickly discovered it’s painful and devastating impact.
My father-in-law’s battle with cancer only lasted a little over a year. He was brave beyond words, but lost the fight in the spring of 2019.
While saying goodbye to someone you love is never easy, it wasn’t the only loss we would experience that year.
As we were walking through my father-in-law’s illness and my husband’s health concerns, we experienced a miscarriage. It was early in the pregnancy, but we’d been trying for almost a year to have another child.
The loss was difficult and the timing even worse.
Just when we thought there was nowhere left to put our grief, my grandmother passed away. My family is small and tight-knit. My grandma had been an integral part of my entire growing up experience.
We jumped in to support my family however we could. Just as we had done for my husband’s family a few short months before.
And we tried to keep our heads above water in what was beginning to feel like a never-ending onslaught of bad news.
Finding strength…
It’s almost impossible to describe the roller coaster of emotions I experienced over the course of the past year.
There were times when it felt impossible to move forward. Mornings when the last thing I felt like doing was getting out of bed to start another day.
Yet during this time I began to discover a comforting truth in the old adage, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”
I found with each new challenge God provided the ability to simply take another step forward.
I didn’t choose the circumstances that defined our year. Nothing about that situation was enjoyable. And while God didn’t deliver me from any of those experiences, He gave me strength to walk through every single one of them.
Read “12 Bible Verses About Hope to Uplift Your Soul” for encouraging scriptures on hope in every season.
A decision to make…
Through the emotional ups and downs of the past year, there’s one moment I’ll never forget. It wasn’t overly significant or even noticeable to anyone else.
But it was deeply meaningful to me.
My husband and I were standing in the middle of our church’s large worship center during a Sunday morning service. As the crowd around us lifted their voices in praise, I could only feel the suffocating weight of our current situation.
I bowed my head as tears silently rolled down my cheeks. I’m not one for public displays of emotion and I didn’t want anyone to see the sadness I could no longer hold back.
But I was drowning in the grief and pain of the past few months.
And as I stood there feeling lost in the sea of worshipers, I suddenly realized the real reason for my tears–I was losing hope.
That ever-present hope that’s so vital in the life a believer hadn’t disappeared while I was standing in church that Sunday. It had been slowly chipped away over the course of several months.
A parade of seemingly endless trials had stolen the joy that had always been present in my soul. My focus had become so centered on our problems that I hadn’t realized I was losing the one thing that would ultimately give me victory.
And in that moment, I had a choice to make. I could give in to despair or I could cling to hope.
Choosing hope…
Decades of walking with God through countless other challenging seasons reminded me this one decision could make all the difference. It held the power to deliver victory or defeat. It could determine success or failure.
So I lifted my hands in worship.
I couldn’t sing the words. I couldn’t look up. And I couldn’t stop the tears.
But I could position my heart to praise God even when it was the last thing I felt like doing.
There was no magical change in my emotions. No miraculous answer to prayer that changed anything about our situation.
Life went on as usual.
But I had drawn a line in the sand. I refused to give in to the darkness and instead gave myself opportunity to hope again.
It didn’t happen quickly and it wasn’t easy. In fact, I had to choose hope time and again over the next several months. But as I repeatedly made that choice, my faith was strengthened and joy slowly returned.
Read “Hope for When Life Gets Hard“ for another inspiring look into the importance of hope.
Moving forward with hope for the new year…
While our family isn’t in the dark place we were a few months ago, we’re still dealing with the effects of the past year.
We’ve moved into a home. It needs work and it’s not exactly what we had planned. But we’re thankful for room to breathe and a place to settle in.
My husband is comfortable in his new job and has received treatment for part of his health issues. But we’re still searching for answers to lingering problems that continue to plague him.
We have a new financial plan, even though it hasn’t panned out quite yet.
We’ve walked through the heaviest times of grieving three very different losses. But we’re still figuring out how to say goodbye and navigate holiday without those who are gone.
So life is not perfect. Nor will it ever be this side of heaven.
And that’s why hope is so important.
Hope reminds us of God’s faithfulness in the past and encourages us that He has good in store for our future.
Challenges come and go. Life is an ebb and flow of mountaintop experiences, inevitably followed by walks through deep valleys.
Right now, our family is looking forward to saying goodbye to a very long valley. We’re moving ahead with hope for the new year. Hope that maybe a mountaintop experience is right around the corner.
But if not, we’ll still be okay.
Because we’ve learned choosing hope is essential when navigating through life’s most difficult seasons.
Regardless of what comes next, that choice provides joy for our present journey and strength for whatever the future holds.
Hope is essential to the Christian faith and vital when walking through hard times. How will you choose hope for the new year–or anytime in between? Please share in the comments below!
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