Parenting is often an emotional roller coaster of hanging on to every precious moment of childhood, while also celebrating each new milestone with joy and abandon. I sometimes feel like I’m walking a tightrope of looking forward to what comes next, while simultaneously clinging to a phase that’s quickly coming to an end.
Perhaps one of the best examples of this struggle between past, present, and future is the first day of kindergarten.
Many parents experience a whirlwind of emotions.
There’s excitement for such a big step and fear over letting go. There’s joy for new levels of freedom and anxiety over undiscovered territory.
The emotions are relentless and they roll in, wave after wave. I’ve often questioned how one single event can cause such inner turmoil.
For several years, I had a front row seat to watch these dramas play out over and over again. Before having my own children, I was a kindergarten teacher for almost a decade.
While each school year brought different children and new families, the scene on that first day every August was intriguingly similar.
A teacher’s view on the first day of kindergarten…
The kids would enter practically bouncing with excitement. New clothes, fancy backpacks, hair fixed just right, eyes sparkling.
Most were nervous, some shy, and a few overzealous. And don’t get me wrong—there were always children that cried and clung to their parents in fear.
But the majority of these young minds usually overcame all those emotions. They unentangled themselves from their parent’s grip and began their first day of school with marked success.
Not so for the parents.
Perhaps one of the most fascinating people watching opportunities of all time happens on the first day of school outside a kindergarten classroom. It would be impossible to record the multitude of different reactions of parents on this day.
You could start with the confident mom dropping off her youngest child, celebrating that all her children are now in school. Then there’s the young mother saying goodbye to her first-born, unsure of what to do and terrified to let him go.
They might be followed by the weary parents of a special needs child who recognize this is a bigger step for her than most and are completely unsure of what lies ahead. The list goes on and on—each parent’s emotions unique to their particular experience.
Read “Small Moments That Make Big Memories“ for an inspiring story on turning moments into memories.
And then there’s always the mom…or dad…or both, who just absolutely cannot tear themselves away. Sometimes these parents have a little one who is crying, but often the child is just fine.
On the other hand, the parent literally cannot put one foot in front of the other to walk themselves out the door.
An embarrassing confession…
To be completely honest, I found those parents unable to let go on that first day of school a bit ridiculous. I’m embarrassed to admit I often subconsciously rolled my eyes as they said one last goodbye ten different times and inched their way out the door.
As they looked back every other step, I would assure them their child was just fine. I would then gently close the door and turn away from worried eyes that peered back through the window. It was never a surprise to hear the door open again as they cast a final anxious look.
I was absolutely sure when I had my own children, I would be different. They would be left at the classroom door with a smile, a hug, and a quick goodbye.
I would walk myself out fully confident they would have a great day.
As you may have guessed by now and as with most things in parenting, everything changed when I truly experienced it myself.
A parent’s view on the first day of kindergarten…
Our oldest daughter started kindergarten last year.
I thought I was ready.
After all, this wasn’t my first rodeo. I had experienced this day eight different times and knew exactly what to expect.
Or so I thought.
But the game had completely changed. The tables were turned and I had no idea what the view was like from this vantage point.
When that first day of school rolled around last August, I can’t even begin to describe the multitude of emotions raging through my body.
I began to suspect I might have a problem when we climbed out of the car. An overwhelming urge to buckle her right back in her car seat and drive away took me by surprise.
I shook off my worry, took more than a reasonable number of pictures, and led her inside. I remember walking down the hallway and silently coaching myself to make it through the next 30 minutes with my self-respect still intact.
My family helped her begin her morning routine and get settled comfortably in her classroom. Much too quickly the moment of truth was upon me.
The teacher was ready to start their day and it was time for us to leave.
Suddenly on the other side of this experience it was my turn to let go…
I probably hugged her 20 different times. My repeated assurance that she was going to love it was definitely only for my benefit—she couldn’t have been more excited.
And I’m pretty sure I set a record for the slowest exit EVER as I drug myself away from the classroom door. In full disclosure, I probably would have sneaked back to check on her if my husband hadn’t been with me!
I did everything I swore I wouldn’t do—and more!
As I climbed into the car that morning, I was overwhelmed by the different feelings competing for my attention. I had held it together on the outside, but my insides were a complete mess.
I sat in the quiet of the almost deserted parking lot and tried to figure out why I had struggled in this moment.
After all, she was only five years old. I still had so much time with her.
She wasn’t driving, dating, or going off to college. She was only starting school.
We were at the beginning of a new adventure. I was excited, but mostly sad and I just didn’t get it.
Learning to let go…
Why is that first day of kindergarten such as emotional roller coaster for parents—especially moms? Why is it an event that is known for eliciting some of the strongest emotional responses of the entire parenting journey?
As I sat there, trying to convince myself to go ahead and drive out of the parking lot, I realized something.
This experience is so difficult because it’s the beginning of a lifelong process of learning to let go.
It’s the first of many times of putting our children into that great big world without us. It requires acceptance of their increasing independence and is a vivid reminder they are quickly growing up.
Read “Time Well Spent“ for encouragement on how to make the most of the time you have with your children.
It’s true that driving, dating, and college are years away. It will be over a decade before you really have to say goodbye and watch your child walk into adulthood.
But at the same time, the first day of kindergarten signals a quiet acceptance that those days are coming—whether we’re ready for them or not.
It’s a not so gentle reminder to live fully in every moment and to savor each phase of childhood before it slips away.
And when the day arrives where letting go involves so much more than saying goodbye at a kindergarten door, we can look back with few regrets and a heart full of amazing memories.
A child starting school can be a day that’s chalk full of emotions for parents and kids. Do you have a “first day” story? We would love to hear it! Please share in the comments below.
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