“It’s just a phase. Don’t miss it.”
That’s the sign that greets parents at our church as they head down the stairs to the children’s ministry area.
It always hits home for me.
Because how many times have I shrugged off a certain behavior with the line, “It’s just a phase. It will pass.” Or even, “I hope it will pass–and soon!”
But is that really how I want to go about embracing motherhood? Rushing through a stage just because it’s difficult?
No. Not really.
Because the older my children get, the more I’m faced with the stark reality of just how fast childhood passes. And I don’t want to waste time wishing any of it away.
Even the really hard seasons.
The Phase Project…
Our oldest daughter starts middle school in a few months. Middle school!
It seems like just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital. I know that sounds cliche. And I know everybody says it. But that doesn’t make it any less true.
Seeing how fast the past 11 years have flown is another reason that sign gets to me. And has made me stop and think more than once.
Because it’s not just a saying on the wall. It’s actually an entire thing. Dubbed the “Phase Project,” it’s part of the Orange church curriculum. It’s self-described as being centered around the idea that “a phase is a timeframe in a kid’s life when you can leverage distinctive opportunities to influence their future.”
Not a time that should just be “gotten through,” “survived”, or “wished away.”
Pretty counter-cultural, huh? But really grasping that idea can change your whole perspective on parenting.
Going through a difficult parenting season? Read “A Message of Hope for the Struggling Mom.”
A stark reminder…
It’s not just that one graphic over the stairs that grabs my attention. Similar signs show up all over the children’s ministry wing. They’re more specific, each describing a particular age.
They’re funny, clever, and spot on.
Here’s some examples.
One & Two. The phase when nobody’s on time, everything’s a mess, and one eager toddler will insist…”I CAN DO IT.”
Kindergarten & First. The phase when unfiltered words make you laugh, homework makes you cry, and life becomes a stage where your kid shouts…”LOOK AT ME.”
They have signs for every age. And I can relate to pretty much every one of the stages I’ve parented through so far.
But it’s the marbles that really get me.
Outside of each classroom sits a huge jar. Inside those jars are dozens of marbles. Printed on the outside is a note that changes with every age. The one outside the nursery says-“Every week matters! When your child is born you have 936 weeks of influence until he turns 18.”
When I drop my toddler off in the nursery, the jar outside her classroom is almost full and the number of weeks seems huge.
But when I leave my middle child, her jar has a lot more empty space. And that number sits at 520.
When I wave goodbye to my preteen, the marbles in that jar are over half gone. Her number is less than half of what’s printed on the nursery jar.
I’m pretty sure I don’t want to see the jar in the middle school wing where she’ll be moving to soon!
Those marbles get me. Every. Single. Time.
And I’m assuming that’s the point.
parenting isn’t easy…
There’s no doubt about it. Parenting is hard. But some of the phases kids go through make it even harder.
And it’s tempting to want to speed those seasons along. To move passed that stage and the struggles that come with it.
Trust me, I get it.
My second baby was extremely difficult. The first year of her life was beyond challenging. Most of the time I walked around feeling like a sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, super emotional zombie.
Read “Finding Joy in Motherhood During Difficult Seasons“ for more on staying positive through hard times.
And if I’m being completely honest, I found myself with a “just get through this” mindset more often than not. But when we decided to try for number three a few years later, we couldn’t get pregnant. All of a sudden, I was faced with the very real possibility that I had wished away my daughter’s first year without realizing I might never get that experience again.
Fully embracing motherhood leaves no room for wasted time…
Five years and two miscarriages later, God gifted us another sweet little girl. That journey is difficult to put into words. But to say I was beyond thankful doesn’t even began to touch it. I was determined not to repeat my past mistakes. This time I would be fully embracing motherhood-no matter what it looked like.
I still wasn’t prepared for what came next. Our third baby wasn’t easy either. Her first year held more challenges than I ever saw coming. And it had been a hot minute since we’d had an infant in the house. I’d forgotten how intense those first several months could be!
It was so very tempting to fall back into my “just get through” mantra and look forward to easier days.
But I was armed with new perspective. I’d been there, done that. And I knew the regrets that came with wishing the time away. I also knew that despite all the difficulties, there was countless joy to be found too.
I couldn’t let the hard parts steal the beautiful moments. My past mistakes, along with those darn jars had taught me an important truth-there’s not enough marbles to waste any of them.
When the marbles run out…
All that to say mamas, I’m calling us out. Myself included.
Because I’ll be the first to admit…being present in the moment is not always the first thing that comes to mind when I’m up for the fifth time in the middle of the night because my baby is going through sleep regression. Again.
Or when I’m cleaning the house at the end of a long day asking myself how one toddler can create such chaos.
Or when I’m refereeing a sibling argument for the umpteenth time wondering when my life lessons on loving each other well will finally kick in.
But I don’t want any of those difficult moments to distract me from the joy of that season. I have to be intentional to constantly reset my mind, check my attitude, and count my blessings.
And you can too.
So, let’s start living with a marble jar mindset. Make the most of the time we have. Be intentional to enjoy every stage.
The sweet new baby and the up all nights. The chubby toddler hugs and the shrieking tantrums. The funny little kid sayings and the talking back. The proud tween independence and the emotional rollercoasters. The profound teen conversations and the dramatic outbursts.
The good and the challenging. The stress and the joy. The days when you have it all together and the ones when everything falls apart.
It’s not easy. And we’ll never be perfect. But embracing motherhood in every season is something we’ll never regret.
And when our marble jars are empty, just maybe our hearts will remain full. Knowing we did our best to recognize every phase for the precious gift that it was.
And that we didn’t miss a single one.
What tips you do have for embracing motherhood in the hard moments? Please share in the comments below!
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