I’ve never been too fond of the phrase, “time well wasted.” Time is a precious commodity. It can never be re-claimed, re-lived, or stretched to more than it is.
It’s finite and final.
Especially for the parents of growing children, time flies by much too fast to be spent carelessly.
In fact, most parents would probably say the benefits of spending quality time with your child are tangible proof that time should never be wasted.
That being said, I fully understand the message behind the words.
A moment that may seem insignificant can turn out to be monumental. An activity that might be viewed as a waste of time can actually become a memory for years to come.
The paradox is simple–spending time on the little moments isn’t really wasted time at all.
Learning how to carve out quality time…
I experienced this concept first hand several months ago. My seven-year old craves quality time. Her main love language is gift giving, but quality time ranks a close second.
(Never heard of the 5 Love Languages? Learn more here.)
She comes across this naturally as my husband’s primary love language is also quality time. There’s only one problem–quality time isn’t really my thing.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and cherish the moments we spend together. On the other hand, I don’t require focused, uninterrupted time with them to feel loved.
But my husband and my daughter are different. They need that time and attention. So, I have to figure out how to make that happen for them.
I definitely have a long way to go in my efforts to keep their love tanks full. But I try to be intentional in giving each of them at least a few minutes every day.
Surprisingly, I find this more difficult when it comes to my children. I’m with them more often, so it would seem logical that spending quality time together would be easy.
I’ve discovered quite the opposite.
The bulk of that time is spent caring for basic needs, disciplining behavior, and training character. If I’m brutally honest, I sometimes feel there’s not enough of me left to focus on relationship.
A commitment to spend more focused time with my children…
However, as with most things in parenting, just because it isn’t easy doesn’t mean it’s not important.
I fully realize the benefits of spending quality time with your child far outweigh the effort it requires to make it happen. So, I set a goal for myself to do at least one thing with each of my children every day.
Because I knew this might be challenging for me, I kept my expectations simple. The activities are usually quick and easy.
And I only gave myself one rule–the time spent together couldn’t be something that’s already part of our daily routine.
Making quality time with my child a reality…
I’ve found one of the best windows to accomplish this with my daughter is when her younger sister is napping. Even though my oldest no longer sleeps in the afternoon, I still require her to spend rest time in her room.
This provides me with a two hour block to tackle chores or complete tasks. It also gives her some down time and opportunity to play independently.
While this routine is good for her, it’s definitely not her favorite time of day. Because she desires quality time, she doesn’t enjoy being alone.
I’ve learned if I spend a few minutes with her at the beginning of the afternoon, she feels more loved and the time by herself is much more productive.
On the other hand, that two hour block is precious to me. It allows me to re-charge, re-focus, and accomplish important tasks. That makes it extra difficult to step away and spend those first few minutes giving time back to her!
However, I recognize the precedent I’m setting by showing her our relationship is more important than my daily chores. While I’m not always perfect, I do my best to set aside that time as often as I can.
Check out this resource, “25 Simple Parent and Child Bonding Activities“ for ideas on making quality time with your child a reality.
A golden opportunity…
One day at the beginning of rest time, my daughter asked me to build a fort with her. As usual, I had more tasks on my to-do list that I could ever hope to accomplish in the two-hour window.
Yet, I silently reminded myself of my goal to spend more focused time giving her attention. So, I took a deep breath and said yes.
My kids love building forts and tents out of anything within reach. Their designs can often be complex and take a while to construct.
But my daughter’s plan for a fort that day was simple. It only involved the couch, ottoman, and a blanket.
After we made the necessary preparations, we climbed inside. My daughter requested we snuggle together inside the fort for a few minutes. I obliged and spent the next 15 minutes cuddled close to her in the dark and tiny space.
As I laid there on the floor, I slowly let the weight of my unfinished tasks slide off my shoulders.
Suddenly, all those items didn’t seem quite so pressing.
time well wasted…
The moment with my oldest child was one I would never have again.
Far too soon she would be past the “building forts” stage. Much too quickly she would no longer request snuggles. Before too long spending alone time with her mom might not be her number one request.
I knew all those things. Yet, the busyness of everyday life sometimes pushed them from my mind.
So, I held her close and breathed it in. I clung to the moment. And I inwardly groaned when I knew it was time for it to be over.
Read “Small Moments That Make Big Memories“ for another inspiring story on making the most of time with your children.
The fact was I couldn’t spend the next two hours lying in the fort. I had a few things that simply had to get done.
I gently told my daughter it was time for us to climb out of our hideaway. She was okay with that. She had gotten her time with me. And she was ready to go play.
As we prepared to go our separate ways, she looked up at me with sparkling blue eyes and a big smile. What she said next caught me completely off guard.
Mommy, that was great. It made my whole day.
As she hugged me and ran off to her room, I sat thinking about her words. We had literally spent all of 15 minutes silently laying on the floor, wedged between two pieces of furniture, with a thin blanket draped above us.
It had taken very little of my time and energy. But I had been focused and present in the moment.
And to her, that had meant everything.
A vivid reminder on the benefits of spending time with your child…
I was reminded once again that children are easy to please. They don’t require elaborately planned activities or expensive outings.
They simply need a little bit of time and a lot of attention.
My daughters need to know that our relationship is important enough that I will make it a priority no matter what else is going on. The benefits of spending that kind of time with my child will strengthen our relationship for years to come.
Those few minutes inside the make-shift fort were the perfect definition of time well wasted. Laying there on the floor in the middle of the day when I had a billion other “adult” things to accomplish might have looked like a poor use of my time.
Yet it couldn’t have been more wisely spent.
Those moments with her were more important than a decade worth of to-do lists. They left my daughter feeling valued, loved, and cherished. They left me with a memory I’ll never forget.
And I’m absolutely certain there was no better way to spend my time.
It’s true–life is busy and mom’s have a lot to do. How do you make quality time with your children a priority? Please share your ideas in the comments below!
Leave a Reply