It was a hard season.
Mom life was not what I expected.
We’d recently added a second child. With a busy toddler and a newborn that wasn’t sleeping much, I felt in over my head.
I was walking around in survival mode, fighting constant overwhelm and exhaustion.
And I was certain I didn’t measure up to the mom I’d always hoped to be.
Unfortunately, it was a season that didn’t pass quickly. In fact, I sometimes wonder if I’m still in the middle of it!
So, to any other struggling mom out there…I see you. I understand what you’re going through. I’ve been there.
I know things are difficult and that life seems impossible to manage right now.
And I have a message of hope for you.
A growing family…
A little over five years ago, we welcomed our second child. We were thrilled to add another little girl to our family.
While we couldn’t have been happier with our two precious girls, it was a challenging time. We didn’t know it then, but our newborn had a significant food intolerance and gastrointestinal issues.
We would spend the next several months trying to figure out what was wrong with our beautiful new baby. She was gaining weight and appeared to be thriving, so doctors couldn’t provide a diagnosis.
But she rarely slept well. Three to four hours of sleep every night was our new normal. And that rest only came in short, twenty or thirty minute spurts.
During the day, she could go from happy and smiling one minute, to crying and writhing in pain the next. After much trial and error, we finally discovered a few things that seemed to help.
We kept her upright as much as possible, pumped her legs to release pressure, and rubbed her tummy to relieve her discomfort.
But even those things didn’t always do the trick.
At the end of my rope…
Several people suggested colic, but the symptoms didn’t fit. My instincts told me that wasn’t the answer.
I made countless trips to the pediatrician, desperately searching for some kind diagnosis. Anything that would provide us all with some relief.
And hope that we could break out of what seemed like an endless cycle of no sleep and no answers.
Every time, they assured me we had a perfectly healthy baby.
But I knew that wasn’t the case. Something wasn’t right.
After six months of sleepless nights and frustrating days, I was at my breaking point. It’s amazing what lack of sleep can do to your mind and body.
I walked around in a foggy haze Experiencing life, but not really there. With an energetic toddler, I tried my best to be present. But I was failing miserably.
I was a far cry from the image of motherhood I’d pictured before becoming a parent. Struggling mom doesn’t even begin to describe it.
Need mom life help or hope? Check out these “5 Inspiring Blogs with Encouragement for Moms.”
A scary accident…
They’re so many moments I look back on now in disbelief, amazed that I even allowed them to happen.
Like the time I was trying to cook dinner on a particularly difficult day. Anyone with littles knows evenings can be hard. This one was no exception.
My toddler was getting hungry and restless. I settled her in the middle of the kitchen floor with a few toys.
Our newborn was fussy, so I secured her in a baby seat nearby where I could bounce her while preparing food.
In my rush to get dinner on the table and keep both girls entertained, I unknowingly placed a glass casserole dish right on top of a hot burner.
It exploded within a matter of minutes, sending glass flying across the kitchen. After a few seconds of shocked silence, I quickly checked both girls over. They appeared to be okay.
I moved them out of the kitchen to begin cleaning up the mess. As I was taking the baby out of the bouncer, I discovered a large sliver of glass in the seat with her.
She was fine, but I lost it. My carelessness could have easily ended in disaster. I couldn’t believe what I had done. And I knew I never would have forgiven myself if either of my children were harmed.
I wish I could say that was the only hapless incident that occurred during those sleep-deprived months. But that wasn’t the case.
One mistake after another…
On another occasion, we were leaving a department store after a professional photo shoot.
I was backing out of the parking space when I glimpsed a woman racing towards my car, waving her hands in the air. Suddenly I realized the back door on the baby’s side was wide open.
I’d forgotten to shut it after placing the car seat inside.
Before I could even put the car in to park and get out to remedy the situation, the lady shut the door for me. The look I received through the window didn’t do much for my self-esteem.
As I drove down the interstate towards home, I consoled myself with the thought that my infant was strapped securely in her seat. So, the open car door wasn’t that big of a deal.
Then, I had this funny feeling. I couldn’t remember actually strapping her in.
I pulled over at the next exit to check. Sure enough, she was resting comfortably in her seat, completely unbuckled.
Somehow in the chaos of finalizing picture orders, entertaining my toddler, and keeping the baby calm, I had forgotten to fasten the straps.
She was okay. But the “what ifs” were strong that day.
So was the mom guilt.
Read about one mistake that taught me a valuable lesson in “How to Recover From an Epic Mom Fail.“
Not who I thought I would be…
While I never expected to be the perfect mom, I always thought I’d be a pretty good one. To be honest, I went into motherhood a little overconfident.
I never dreamed I would be a struggling mom who constantly doubted her abilities.
With three different education degrees and years of experience with young children, I was pretty sure I would transition smoothly into motherhood.
I didn’t.
I quickly discovered I wasn’t naturally good at the whole mom thing. The love for my children was fierce. But the practical side of parenting proved more difficult than I expected.
My diaper changing skills would never be described as swift or efficient. I was messy, slow, and never could seem to get the thing on quite right.
I was able to breastfeed successfully, but never made it look effortless. The whole idea of a nursing cover wasn’t easy to master. I couldn’t seem to wear it correctly or switch sides without exposing something.
And then toddlerhood hit and it was time to put all my discipline knowledge into action. I quickly discovered knowledge was one thing, but successful implementation was quite another.
I was far from the “have it all together” mom I’d always wanted to be. It was a hard thing to admit to myself. And even more difficult to share with anyone else.
A downward spiral…
So, I kept my feelings of inadequacy to myself. And tried to cover up my less than smooth mom moves.
I managed pretty well with our first baby. But adding number two changed everything.
Suddenly, I wasn’t just treading water. I was going under. And I was too ashamed to call for help.
So, I privately struggled with the duties of motherhood and my low self-esteem. All the while trying to figure out what in the world was going on with our newborn.
To put that season into words is difficult. Overwhelming, challenging, and just plain hard only seems to scratch the surface.
I was trying to hold everything together and felt way out of my league. And looking back now, I’m sure the months without adequate sleep made things feel even worse than they actually were.
A moment of defeat…
A lot of the memories from that time are shrouded in a sleep-deprived fog. But there’s a few that are burned into my mind. Like the kitchen incident. And picture day.
And one particular moment where my self-proclaimed, struggling mom image hit a low point.
We were sitting in a grocery store parking lot after a frustrating shopping trip. I can’t recall what set me off, but I snapped at my toddler. I’m sure she wasn’t in perfect form, but she didn’t deserve my harsh words.
For some reason, that one little incident caused me to break down. It was like all the feelings of inadequacy boiled to the surface. I was drowning under a weight of emotions I couldn’t escape.
There was anxiety about when my next mistake might happen. Worry over what everyone must thing of my muddled attempts at mothering. Mom guilt that my daughters deserved so much better.
And fear that despite all my good intentions, I was doing everything wrong.
Are you a struggling mom in need of a little encouragement? Check out “Grace for Moms That Are Weary.”
A new revelation…
As I tried my very best to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks, I happened to glance in the rearview mirror.
My toddler was sitting peacefully in her car seat, hand raised in the air, singing to worship music I hadn’t even noticed was playing.
There are very few times I hear the Lord speak directly to my heart. But he must have known how much I needed it that day. It was almost like I heard him whisper…
You may not be doing everything perfectly. You may feel like a struggling mom right now. But that right there in your backseat…that’s about as close to perfect as it gets. And that’s because of you. That’s what really matters.
In that moment, I realized I’d let all the things I was doing wrong keep me from seeing the many things I had gotten right.
I’m not a perfect mom. But I am a good one.
I might not be able to change a diaper at the speed of light. Or nurse discreetly in a room full of people. Or handle every discipline situation with wisdom and grace.
But I have my fair share of strengths.
And you know what? So do you.
Seeing things differently…
Things didn’t magically turn around that day. But I like to think my perspective shifted.
We figured out our daughter’s gastrointestinal issues when she was around six months old. And finally started getting a little more sleep when she hit the seven-month mark.
Our girls are older now. The struggles of the infancy and toddler stages are behind us. Yet new seasons bring different challenges. New things to figure out and uncharted waters to navigate.
I still don’t feel confident in many areas of motherhood. But I look back often on that day in the car and try to cut myself a little slack.
We have two beautiful little girls who are thriving. They are smart, talented, and full of amazing wonderfulness.
I may not be the mom I expected. But I’m exactly the mom my children need.
The same goes for you.
Hope for the struggling mom…
I know it’s hard to believe sometimes. I’ve been there.
I understand the worry and the doubt. I’ve cried some of those same tears. And I feel your weariness.
But, can I share something with you? From one struggling mom to another?
It’s a truth that I realized sitting in that grocery store parking lot all those years ago.
You are exactly the mom you were designed to be.
Despite the challenges, the mistakes, and the fears. No one is better equipped to mother your children than you are.
God knew what he was doing when he placed them in your care. When he picked your family as their home. And you as their mom.
You’re the perfect fit for your children.
So, even on the hard days. Even when everything goes wrong. Even when you feel overwhelmed and inadequate.
Never forget.
You are enough. Just the way that you are.
What has encouraged you through those difficult mom seasons? Or maybe you have some hope of your own to share with a struggling mom. Please comment below!
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