Every so often I happen upon a piece of wisdom that is both timely and profound. In those moments, the words are etched deeply in my mind and I usually carry them with me the rest of my life.
I came across one of those little gems on the topic of marriage when I was a newlywed. At the time, I was listening to Chip Ingram’s podcast, Living on the Edge.
(I highly recommend this resource to anyone who wants to be encouraged in their faith.)
He was speaking about marriage and the idea of being able to love your spouse without conditions.
A thought-provoking piece of advice…
I’m sure the entire episode was great, but one statement in particular grabbed my attention. In fact, I felt it so important that I stopped what I was doing, grabbed a piece of paper, and wrote it down.
Unconditional love is giving the other person what they need the most, when they deserve it the least, at great personal cost to yourself.
Chip Ingram, Living on the Edge
The words stopped me in my tracks because they presented an idea completely opposite of what’s represented by mainstream society. In a culture focused more on “self” than ever before, the thought of sacrificial love is almost old-fashioned.
A common view on relationships…
Social media takes the lead in this self-glorifying campaign, with Hollywood and other media following close behind.
Selfies are the most common kind of picture these days. Self-care tips shout advice from magazine headlines and website posts.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with taking care of our bodies and minds. And working hard to better yourself is always a good choice of action.
But our society seems to be in a never-ending cycle of promoting self that can lead us to forget that relationships are a two-way street.
Our culture proudly wears an “it’s all about me” badge as we become more inner focused by the day. Commercials repeatedly reinforce this viewpoint and technology makes the message impossible to ignore.
We live in a world that places supreme importance on staying connected, yet we’re rapidly losing the ability to meaningfully connect.
All that taken into consideration, unconditional love seems out of place in our current society. A love that puts someone else’s needs first doesn’t quite fit the relationship mindset of this generation.
Perhaps this is the reason Chip’s words were so powerful. They suggested a different viewpoint on love. One that doesn’t reflect today’s culture, but points to God’s heart.
Read “How Personality Differences in Marriage Can Strengthen Your Relationship“ to learn how God designed your differences to compliment your marriage.
God’s example of unconditional love…
While our society’s definition of love may change as often as the weather, God’s perspective on the topic has always remained the same. The kind of love modeled in the Bible is selfless. It puts others first.
God provided the ultimate example of unconditional love when he sent his son to the cross to die for our sins. In that moment, Jesus gave an undeserving people what they needed the most at the greatest personal cost imaginable.
And he set the precedent for a love without conditions.
God chooses to love us regardless of whether that love is deserved or returned. The level of his love is constant, never increasing or decreasing depending on our behavior or choices. His love cannot be earned or lost.
That’s a far cry from the idea of love we see reflected in today’s culture. Yet, what better example to follow when it comes to love than the creator of relationships?
How different our world might look if we loved each other more like God loves us. In particular, how much stronger would our marriages be if we learned to love our spouse unconditionally?
Check out my resource, “How to Love Your Husband Unconditionally“ for practical ideas on showing love to your spouse.
Marriage is the perfect opportunity to practice a love without conditions…
I wrote the words from that podcast on an index card and have kept them close to my heart throughout the past decade. That simple quote has been a lifeline of encouragement through some very challenging seasons of marriage.
During a particularly difficult patch, I taped the card to my bathroom mirror where I was sure to see it every morning. It was a reminder to love my husband unconditionally, even when I didn’t feel like it.
As a newlywed all those years ago. I had no idea what a vital role that advice would play in the success of my marriage. Now don’t get me wrong, my husband and I have an amazing relationship.
We’ve celebrated victories together and walked side by side through many hard times. In the midst of it all, our bond has continued to grow stronger.
But marriage is still hard. And we are far from perfect.
We tend to be selfish and unintentionally hurt each other more often than we’d like. We need constant reminders of how to love God’s way.
Practice makes perfect…
In a relationship of two imperfect people there will always be endless opportunities to practice a love without conditions.
There are moments when my husband doesn’t deserve my love. There are instances when loving him will cost me something, whether it’s swallowing my pride, giving up my time, or risking my heart.
Yet those are the moments when he needs my love the most. And as his wife and a child of God, I’m called to show him unconditional love.
Little did I know those words from Chip Ingram over a decade ago would provide me the encouragement to do just that time and again.
(A quick side note here–Unconditional love never means accepting any type of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. A love without conditions does not apply to an abusive relationship.)
Now, I’m pretty sure my husband doesn’t have that same note card hidden away in his sock drawer. In fact, I don’t think I’ve even shared those words of wisdom with him.
But I do know that he has plenty of his own bible verses and other pieces of inspiration to love me well. And I’m confident that I’ve given him endless opportunities to practice!
Over the years, he’s supported me through my struggles with perfectionism and selfishness. He’s chosen to show me unconditional love in my most undeserving moments. He knows what it means to love sacrificially and he does it well.
Read “The Best Christian Marriage Advice I Ever Received“ for another encouraging tip on building a successful marriage.
God can use Christian marriage to reflect His love…
In a world where selfish motives are at the heart of many viewpoints on love, my husband and I believe our marriage should be different. We’re called to a greater purpose.
We rarely accomplish this perfectly. But in our quest to be examples of unconditional love, we point a broken people to a loving God. A God that can love them without conditions.
A kind of love that is life-changing.
A marriage that reflects God’s design for relationship shows the world that a love without conditions is possible. We open the door for God to give people what they need the most, when they deserve it the least.
And yes, it may cost us something. We might have to sacrifice time, give up our pride, or humble our hearts. But a stronger marriage and the example that provides to a watching world is absolutely worth it.
Unconditional love is an important part of any strong marriage. But, it doesn’t always come easy…especially in difficult seasons. How do you practice a love without conditions in your marriage? Please share in the comments below!
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