My husband and I celebrated our tenth anniversary last year. Not too long before that, we honored my parents for forty years together.
While I’m not always the sentimental type, these milestones were deeply meaningful to me. Because I know the marriage journey is not always an easy one.
It requires determination, perseverance, and a whole lot of humility to make marriage successful.
It’s hard work.
Fortunately, we aren’t left to figure it out alone. God provides many biblical keys to a successful marriage in His Word.
And it makes sense to go there doesn’t it? After all, where better to look for advice on marriage than to the very One who designed it?
God had a plan for marriage from the very beginning. A good plan that blesses us and brings Him glory. It’s just up to us to follow it!
I’m well past the newlywed stage of that journey. But I’m no seasoned veteran either. I’m shuffling along somewhere in the middle, still trying to figure this whole thing out.
And while I may not be an expert, my husband and I are blessed with a strong relationship. Through the ups and downs of over a decade together, God continues to show us how to follow His design for marriage.
We’ve seen our fair share of victory and defeat. They’re times we feel head over heels in love and days that we seem miles apart. But through every season God has shown us how to walk through it all together. And come out stronger on the other side.
So, here are five things God has taught us about building a relationship that will go the distance.
Five biblical keys to a successful marriage…
Put God first.
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Matthew 6:33
Matthew 6:33 is one of my husband’s favorite verses. And it’s a mantra we’ve tried to shape our lives around. When God’s the number one priority for both husband and wife, the marriage is already set up for success.
So, be intentional about giving God first place in your life. Have daily quiet time. Pray regularly. Attend worship services.
Develop a deep relationship with Jesus. Cultivate a heart that’s Kingdom focused.
A husband and a wife who both put God first aren’t guaranteed an easy marriage. There will still be challenges and heartache.
But a couple that seeks God above all else will have a rock-solid foundation that can weather the storms that life is sure to bring.
Keep God involved.
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Ecclesiastes 4:12 was printed on our wedding program. For us, it held special meaning. It was a reminder to always weave God into our relationship.
We knew from the very beginning the two of us simply weren’t enough. Our love was strong. Our intentions were good.
But the only way to experience a marriage that truly thrives is to put and keep God right in the middle of it.
We do our best to seek God in every decision. His will shapes our parenting, our finances, and our careers. We start and end our day with Him. We try to saturate our lives with His word.
(Discover one important habit that will help keep God at the center of your family life. Read about it here.)
We don’t always get this right. We’re selfish more often than we’d like to admit. And we get distracted by the many things pulling for our time and attention.
But we know the importance of having God at the center. And we try our best to keep Him there.
Include God in every part of your marriage. Weave that cord so tightly that nothing can pull those strands apart.
Pray.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
Philippians 4:7
Praying is on the of the most powerful things you can do for your marriage. Praying regularly for your spouse will bring blessing to you both.
(Find out how to pray effectively for your husband here.)
Each day I pray for my husband first. Before my kids. Before myself. Before anything else. And I know he has a similar routine.
If praying for each other is important, praying WITH each other is even more so. Joining together to pray for your marriage can be life-changing.
Take the opportunity to pray together whenever you can. My husband and I try to say a quick prayer before we part ways each morning. And then sneak one in before we fall asleep at night. It’s a beautiful way to start and end each day.
Prioritize each other.
This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
Genesis 2:24
The day I walked down that aisle, my husband immediately became my first priority (after God of course). That meant I put his needs and desires above my own family, my friends, and my children (when they eventually came along).
Prioritize your husband above all other earthly relationships. Learn how to love him well and then be intentional about doing it.
I know first-hand…it can difficult to walk this out. Especially if you’re going through a rough season or struggling in your marriage.
It can be easy to rely on a parent or close friend for the support that you desire from your spouse. But the easy road is rarely the right one.
Avoid the temptation to go to someone other than your husband about your marriage problems. Talk to God first. And then honor your husband by being very selective on how and when you share your heart.
This may well be one of the most overlooked biblical keys to a successful marriage. But your ability to get it right just might make all the difference in your relationship.
(One great way to prioritize your marriage is with regular date nights. Need simple or inexpensive ideas? Find them here.)
Refuse to fail.
So, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
Matthew 19:6
Marriage is hard work. Especially in today’s culture with its ever-evolving definition of marriage and family life.
But God’s views on marriage haven’t changed since He first created it. His biblical keys to a successful marriage don’t ebb and flow with popular opinion.
His plan has always been for a “once in a lifetime love.” He designed marriage to be forever.
(Read more on how to keep a marriage strong through hard times here.)
No option to get out when it’s hard. To look for something better. Or to move on when feelings fade.
And therein lies the beauty.
Marriage is the rarest of commitments. To choose love over and over again. To have a bond so strong that no mountain-top experience or deep-valley circumstance can tear you apart.
So, we must draw a line in the sand. Refuse to give up or give in. Make a commitment to our spouse that for better or worse, we’re in it for the long haul.
It won’t be easy. It’s definitely not for the faint of heart.
But marriage is a beautiful gift.
One that’s absolutely worth fighting for.
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